A Father’s Role in an Adolescence Life
Traditionally, in the United States, a teenager spends more time away from their parents than recommended. During these times away they rely heavily on friends for cues, prompts, and signals from peers regarding dress and behavior. When parents have spent the necessary quality time ensuring their teenager has a strong familial foundation, strong spiritual beliefs, positive values, chaste morals, as well as sound plans for the future, the force of peers will be temporary. The scripture instructs us to “train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will never depart from it. Proverbs 22:6” In this light, the foundation we provide for our children is the very thing that will strengthen them when they face challenges that are tempting. As I embarked on the journey of strong parenting, I took this instruction as a warning. Not wanting to spend my winter years in the hands of unruly and irresponsible adult children who would cause distress to my aging, I decided early on to do whatever I could to ensure my children were trained and reared rather than merely growing up. There is a distinct difference.
Adolescence is duly noted as a time of tumult, conflict, and turmoil between children and parents. It seems that when a maternal parent is present, an adolescence will rely heavily upon mothers for the emotional support they need. However, the relationship a father has with his teenagers, both male and female is imperative to their success as adults. Though teenagers seem to be in a constant battle for personal identity they need fathers to be available for consultation when often times it happens that the teenager his or herself don’t understand either why they seem to take constant issue with almost everything. During the adolescent years many fathers tend to withdraw from their teens, some thinking they are at a secure level of independence. Believe it or not, some fathers are not emotionally perceptive enough nor humble enough to balance the stresses of life and spend quality time with their teenagers. This is a grave mistake, given that research says a teenager whose father is readily available for guidance has fewer alliances with the judicial system. Having a father readily available for guidance gives young people the wherewithal to avoid being involved with gangs. Moreover,are less likely to drop out of school and will think twice about becoming sexual active before time. Additinally a teen whose father in readily available and active in their lives whether living at home or not and will probably not experiment with drugs. There are dire consequences of a father not willingly to spend time with his teenagers. Thoughtfulness, creativity, resourcefulness, initiative, patience, and love are necessary requirements for quality time. Money is not included in this list of prerequisites.
In the case of daughters, a father’s presence is imperative for teaching self esteem. It is imperative that a teenage girl’s father talks to her about relationships, love, and self-development. Teenagers rely more upon their fathers for conversation, advice, and simply ‘being there’. Research of urban youth confirms that adolescents who felt their fathers made themselves available to them have had fewer conflicts overall. It may seem that a teenager is independent; however, they need their father’s for guidance, to model a healthy relationship, and to help them plan for the future.
Daughters need to hear a father say, “you are beautiful”. Sons need to see a father treating his mother, his wife, and his daughter with patience and kindness. Children need to experience their fathers treating them with value. Teens need to observe their father overcoming the stresses and challenges of life. Fathers, please stand up and play your God given roles and save our children. Not only are fathers the head of the household, they are the essence of all family ties. I wonder how many men truly understand their power to improve the quality of life for so many. A perfect method for combating the problems society faces with urban youth, fathers, step up to the plate and assume your role as head.
